Just because it is Sunday

Wordless Wednesday

I know that there are not supposed to be words, so I limit them to: Black Cherry.....40th Anniversary....can we say mid-life crisis?  And not my mid-life crisis I might add.

Tuesday Temptations

I bet you wonder where my twisted brain is going now....

The first three pictures are of my favorite indulgences at the moment and I blame all three on SF.  She knows I have a HUGE sweet tooth and when she goes to the grocery store she comes home with something special for me.  I love her for that but it means harder work to keep them from ending up on my mid-section or hips.

The last one is my all time favorite actress, not really, but she is the only one I would consider cheating with if I was that kind of person....seriously, she is brilliantly intelligent, in excellent physical condition and is my age.  That means she is older than my stretch marks and that makes her eligible on the dating scale.  I love her smile and her eyes.

And what are all these?  Pieces that I would like to add to my collection.  Some are blue diamonds.  Some are Sapphires.  Some are Rubies.  Some are black diamonds.  Some are green amethyst.  Some are chocolate pearls.  I think that I deserve some more bling and these are calling to me in very loud voices.

At this very moment, there is beef stew cooking in my crock pot.  It is loaded with turnips, parsnips, carrots, baby red potatoes, onions and celery.  Plus the perfect beef and spices.  I'll be making cornbread as soon as I get home.  After I eat, I'll be finishing the secret knitting so that I can get it gifted this week.  That means that I'll be able to post pictures this week of the socks and this item.  I may even be close to being able to get a good shot of the shawl too.

What is tempting you these days?

Thoughts on Thursday

Random thoughts cross my mind today....

For instance, I want to buy some of the beautiful pins I found at The Metropolitan Museum of Art Store.  If I was in NYC I would just spend a day at the Museum.  It has been years since I was in NYC.  SWCNLBN is from Upstate NY and folks from that part of the State wish that NYC would slide off the map, so we never went there, EVER.  What a shame all those wasted years.  Oh well, the past is the past and I am ready to re-discover places I have missed the last twelve years.

I have been knitting up a storm even though I have not added any pictures.  I keep putting it in writing here so that you all will hold me accountable for the pictures.  I finished the second Shur' tugal sock today and will do the Kitchener later when I am at home and have total silence.  As many years as I have been doing it you would think that I could do it anywhere.  Alas, no way.  I still need to concentrate even with the wonderful key chain that Amy gave me in the last swap.  The socks are so cozy.  Lizzie did a wonderful job with the dying process and I am so glad that I was able to see it in process and then turn the hank into these lovely socks.  I hope to get them soaked and blocked by the end of the weekend so that I can drop them off next week for the contest.  Officially, we don't have to get them to the shop until the 23rd, but I don't want to tempt fate.

I have also been knitting away on the USS Lehmus-huivi.  I had made it all the way up to almost twenty-five repeats when a small child picked it up and it slipped off the needles.  Totally my fault.  I did not have point protectors on it when I laid it down and I didn't have a life line in it either.  With no wee little ones in the house any longer I hardly ever use point protectors, unless I am packing the project to transport it some place.  As for not having a life line in place, there is just no excuse and I knew fate would get me for that.  I wanted to cry; however, the parents were mortified enough so I just graciously picked it up and put it on the dining room table to fret over after they left.  Aside from having to unravel it all and start over I learned a few very important lessons.  Lesson one is to always use a life line with lace of this sort.  Lesson two is to always use point protectors on lace of this sort.  I am finally back at the twenty-five repeat place and need to get some pictures taken.  It is stunning even though it has not been soaked and blocked.  I can only imagine how wonderful it will look when it is done.

The Red Hot is in limbo.  Why?  I loathe and despise seaming.  In fact if I didn't feel that way I could already be wearing it.  When I am finished with the Lehmus-huivi I will be seaming it together.  I must admit that the Rowan Calmer was a joy to work with and I am looking forward to making more things with it.

There are currently twelve other projects on the needles on my Ravelry Project Page.  Wait, technically Red Robin is done except for the buttons.  I don't consider it finished yet because I couldn't use it without the buttons.  I must rectify that this weekend as well.  Goals for the rest?  You bet I haz dem.   One of them is a secret project that will be finished in a week, no later than two.  As soon as I'm done with that, I will be finishing up the Lehmus-huivi first so that I can get it to Lizzie.  Next will be the Traveling Woman followed by the Multnomah.  After that, I will get the Turn a Square done.  From there it will be a toss up to get the ones with the least amount of work done so that I can turn up the volume on to the ones that will remain.

I really want to see if I can get 10 Shawls in 2010 done.  I'm not sure if it is a reasonable goal, as I only have six completed that meet the requirements.  The Lehmus-huivi, Traveling Woman and Multnomah would get me to nine.  We'll see.  I have a skein of Noro Kureyon Sock that may become a Citron but we'll see if I can get to it before the year ends.

I also wanted to toss out this link.  I had to laugh at first but then I printed the flyer and thought about it a little harder.  I think I'm into it now and will be considering the options so that I can participate.  I also have items to send to Amy for her work as well.

Okay gang, I have rambled long enough....

Monday

What does one do an a generic Fall weekend?  It seems that as of late I have not been in the mood to be outside as much as I should have been.  Fall is an odd time of year here in this part of Texas.  The mornings have been crisp and I have enjoyed my early morning runs outdoors.  The afternoons have been mild, for us that is always a plus.  And the humidity levels have been low.  All in all, the perfect weather to want to be outside doing something.  But me, no way.  I have felt like a slug, a mole or a bear that wants to hibernate.

I think that it was part of some weird depression and it just had to work its way out of my system.  Thankfully, it has done so.  It happened to do so on a Monday of all days, but I'll accept that and move onwards.  Funny how the mind and the body work against us, regardless of what we plan.  These two devices hold their path and make us deal with them before allowing us to move on the path we thought we wanted.

At the moment, I am sitting in the Crane Garden in the Dunn Tower of the Methodist Hospital.  For the next two days I will be sitting here with a laptop as part of my job.  Hospital lobbies are interesting places indeed.  I am camped out with knitting (Shurt'ugal Socks) and a book (The Victorian Internet) as well.  Sitting here on the laptop does not garner much attention from onlookers at all; however, when I start to knit or read that anonymity disappears.  Even the dogs that were here for a while got less attention than I did while I knit.

Normally, knitting allows me to blend in.  I'm not sure why it seemed so foreign in the setting today.  Usually people get comfort from watching me knit.  I can only surmise that today it evokes memories of a lost loved one and has made them a wee bit melancholy.  I do not take it personally, I just observe and forge on.  At the moment, there is a wonderful piano concert being played in the lobby, so the voices have lowered and the mood has lifted.  The Starbucks seems to be the loudest noises to be heard.

Back to the weekend.  Friday I left work at 12:30 PM and headed to Upstairs Studio.  In was hoping that the gals there could kick the funk right out of me.  No such luck.  I did enjoy their company and had a great time fondling yarn combinations for a hat.  I headed home hoping that the cats, dogs and SF would be the answer.  No such luck.  SF was out on the motorcycle.  The dogs were happy to see me for supper and a trip outdoors but not much else.  The cats, well, after all they are cats and it is my job to serve them.  I headed to bed at 7:30 when not even more knitting or any reading could snap me out of it.  I felt doomed.

It is amazing what the power of human touch and TLC can actually do.  At some point in the night SF pulled me up against her and I slept like a rock against her back until 9:00 AM.  That may not seem late, but I normally get up at 6:00 AM on Saturdays.  After we ate, we had a heart to heart conversation, which both of us had been avoiding but knew we needed.  After we were done and in agreement, it felt as if a HUGE weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  Both of us looked relieved.  We decided to get cleaned up and take the motorcycle out.

We went to the Mucky Duck to get concert tickets for the November Sisters Morales show.  From there we went to Casa Buick GMC to test drive a vehicle so that I could get a free tee shirt and get registered for the Terrain that will be given away during this year's Lone Star Rally.  I test drove and Acadia.  I love it but it is a gas hog and is really expensive!  From there we took the scenic way home.  It was almost 7:00 PM when we got home and the dogs were way past due for their supper.  I fed them and SF got our dinner ready.  We didn't even turn on the TV until almost 8:00 and that was just to see some of the college football scores.  We were both so tired that we went to bed at 9:45.

Sunday was just as wonderful.  Again that comfort of sleeping up against the one you love.  We slept until 9:00 AM again.  If the dogs and cats could have taken care of them selves I think we would have stayed in bed longer.  Alas, that is not the case.  After breakfast, we agreed that I would do house work and she would tackle the palms.  So the day went.  We both seemed happy and back on the same page.  The evening was quiet and we spent quality time together before we both drifted off to sleep.  She will be out of town the rest of this week, leaving very early Tuesday morning.  I will miss her now that we are "back to normal".

I have been knitting up a storm and now that I feel better I'll get some pictures up and post about all the projects.

Have a great week and don't forget that no one can read your mind.  If you have something to say, please say it.  You will feel better and it could be the very thing that the other person needed to hear as well.

Wednesday

Okay, so yesterday I was in a general funk.  It is safe to say that I am on the road to recovery.  Partly due to the wonderful woman that I share my life with.  I'll explain.

I mentioned that I was in the Pimp My Queue Swap on Ravelry.  After a self imposed time out from all that is the Internet, I sat down with my secret partner's information and the two patterns I have narrowed down from the top ten in her queue.  I grabbed a cup of Spicy Chocolate Mint Tea from The Republic of Tea to look over both patterns and the yarn requirements.  I thought that that the tea and the pursuit of swap goodness would help calm me down.

It did, but in an unusual way.  It made me retrospective.  I sat back with a second cup of tea and began to think about a simple statement that my counselor/therapist had put in front of me.  She said that I needed to let go of my fears and trepidations from the last two failed relationships and trust myself.  She said that when I was completely able to surrender myself to the person I loved I would no longer need to be in control of every minute detail of my life.  I would be free to enjoy and become spontaneous.  I cried.  I began to realize that this was indeed what was happening to me.

I realized that the relationship that I have been  building with SF is indeed one based on truth, honesty, respect and love.  We both want the best for each other while preserving our unique individuality building a cohesive unit that is our relationship.  I was keenly aware that for the first time in my life I was safe with another human being and could let my guard down.  All the while knowing that she will never use any of my faults against me.  She will never criticize me for what I know or don't know.  She nurtures my talents and is amazed by my strength and beauty all at the same time.  I have no reason to fear that she will leave me or neglect me for the newest friend or the shiniest object.  We are both safe to grow and spread our wings knowing that the other will be waiting to hear all about the journey when we return.

It was hard to believe that without knowing it I had come to the next resting place in my life.  Once I am more secure with this new realization, I can move forward and continue to grow and share.  I will need to wrap my head around this for a while and get acquainted and comfortable with it but I think I can face it and grow into it gracefully.  It is a concept that SF has been trying to help me see for a while but I resisted.  I'm not sure why but I was certainly afraid.  It was a fear that was a pit in my stomach.  Much like the fear I had to face the first time she asked me to move in with her in November.  And the same fear that I felt when she wanted to get commitment/promise rings in December to exchange on Valentines Day.  I had to believe that I was not making the same mistake again for the third time and believe that I did deserve that someone that loves me unconditionally.  We still haven't gotten past the promise ring to the actual commitment ring but I am getting more comfortable with the idea of wearing a ring on my ring finger once again.

After dinner, SF and I were sitting on the leather sofa.  We were flipping between the WNBA game on ESPN2 and the College Baseball World Series.  At one of the commercials, she placed the sound on mute and said, "What has been eating at you the last few days?"  Transparent as charged.  I tried to brush it off because the game had resumed but she was firm.  I finally told her what had been bothering me.  Not without tears of course.  She pulled me into her arms and asked me why I still fought the fact that she loves my unconditionally and that I am safe.  I tried to explain but she agreed that some scars do indeed take longer to heal and she would just continue to be patient and be the person I knew her to be.

Life is funny like that.  I think I slept like a brick last night.  It was one of the best night's rest I have had in a week.  I still have to provide the dinner request tonight when she gets home but I am okay with the total surprise factor of the rest.  She knows that I HATE public birthday scenes at restaurants so I have no fear of the staff singing to me or anything of the sort.  I believe that I will have a very private celebration with her and then when the girls are both available we will have a second one.  And that's okay with me too.  Why wouldn't I want two celebrations.....

And, I finally settled on the pattern for the swap.  I can't reveal the details yet but I will once the package has safely been received.  After all it is a secret swap but the participants may be stalking the blog so I can't let the details slip just yet.  I will be taking a trip to Katy to Yarntopia to see if they have the local yarn I am in search of.  Wish me luck....